On the Verge

Reflections on two of the wildest weeks of my life

Hello and apologies for taking a while between this installment and the last one. As you’ll see in a second, I have had an insane few weeks. Twelve new strangers emailed me to ask me out! I got promoted at work! I found out I was selected for a new apartment and then unselected!

My plan for this edition was to write about the revolution that is coming for dating apps. Specifically the A.I. revolution. I have spent a lot of the last month thinking about the new A.I. tools dating apps like Hinge are beginning to roll out. And thanks to my job at Hard Fork, I also got to ask a few questions directly to Hinge’s CEO Justin McLeod about his vision for the future.

What I’ve learned makes me excited for what’s to come. I think the offerings are compelling, transformative even - but only if they’re pulled off well. I’m excited to share those thoughts with you later this week… once I run them by my employer lol.

In the meantime, here’s a brief update on where my head has been at. I hope it resonates.

Illustration by Norovirus survivor Nicholas Konrad.

Whiplash

Three years ago I broke up with my boyfriend, got laid off from my job and moved apartments all in the span of a few weeks.

I knew the changes were important, necessary ones, hopefully leading me to greater fulfillment, but I was totally terrified. Every time I left my apartment I felt on the edge of a melt down.

At a new coffee shop, when the barista didn’t smile at me, I felt hurt and rejected. At my long time yoga studio, when I showed up 5 minutes late and learned the door had been locked and I could not go in, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.

Annoyances that would have rolled off of me at any other time were now jabbing reminders that I had no safety net; no job and no person were going to catch me if I fell apart.

The last two weeks have felt like a strange parallel to that time. Dizzying changes to my work, dating life and living situation have all occurred in rapid succession.

I made my first appearance on Hard Fork and got a bunch of new subscribers to this newsletter. I reconnected with a guy I’m excited about (!) and cooked a Valentines Day dinner with him for 10 of my friends. I sat down with my roommate and decided that after 5.5 years of living together (the longest serious relationship of my life!) we were both finally ready to live on our own.

It’s been exhilarating and overwhelming, with hints of sadness and fear that bubble up unpredictably and catch me by surprise.

Today as I’m writing this, I’m sitting in the beautiful apartment that I’ve shared with my roommate for the last few years trying to take it all in. To savor this picture of the before times: the way the afternoon light creates hexagonal shapes on our wood floors, the stomping sound my roommate will make as she climbs up our steep hallway steps before putting her keys into our apartment door, the surprise I felt opening my email to dozens of messages from strangers saying they heard my voice on the New York Times, the absolutely repulsive amount of giddiness I experience when my phone vibrates and I see that it’s a message from this new guy.

Just as I felt three years ago, I am acutely attuned to the fact that my life is on the verge of… well…something. Good things, bad things, who knows. This time, I have a quiet confidence that whatever it is will be generative.

The chocolate cake I made for Valentines Day dessert.

P.S. A lot of readers got excited about the guy from the last installment of the newsletter who sent me an email asking me out. The good news is that we met up for a coffee that lasted many hours. We sipped our drinks and discovered a ridiculous number of interests we share in common (including a soft spot for a niche arts hotel in Miami!) The bad news is that I knew I didn’t feel a romantic connection. I texted him to ask if he had any regrets about the email given how things had turned out. “No, not at all” he said. “This is a pretty succinct argument in favor of always sending the letter / doing the thing” he added, along with a link to this: The One Who Got Away.