THE PROJECT
The title of this newsletter comes from the famous children’s book Are You My Mother?, where a baby bird walks around asking cows, cats and even a steam shovel if they’re its mom.
That’s the image I’ve often had of myself over the last 2.5 years that I’ve been single in New York City. I’m that confused little bird bumping into strangers, and asking essentially, “Are you for me?”
This newsletter is an effort to document that quest. And to do so with an openness to trying new things, and an attentiveness to how incredible it is that two people on a date can have such wildly different experiences of the same event.
THE FORMAT
The newsletter comes out every other week - on Sundays. (Unless things are going nuts over at Hard Fork, the podcast I produce for the New York Times.)
The goal is for each edition to be a little bit different in format, a little bit surprising.
Sometimes I’ll tell a single detailed story about a recent date I went on. Other times, I’ll give you an exact transcript of an interview I did with a man I’ve been seeing who no longer wants to go out with me.
Also, you can expect lots of commentary on emerging trends in the online dating world, and my continued fascination with what if anything can be done to make dating a little bit more pleasant.
OTHER QUESTIONS PEOPLE OFTEN ASK
Do the men you go out with know you might write about them?
My guiding principle is that while I have volunteered to subject my dating life to public scrutiny, the men I’m going out with have definitely not!
Any person I write about in significant detail, I have a discussion with in advance of publication. I don’t let them make changes to the editorial components of the newsletter (my version of what happened) but I do welcome their input on the facts, and eliminate identifying details that they’re uncomfortable with. Almost always, the men are enthusiastic participants in the process.
Also it’s worth saying: When I go on dates, I’m going on them with the sincere hope that they will be people I want to see long-term. I never date with the purpose of getting content for this newsletter.
Aren’t you worried about sharing the intimate details of your dating life so publicly?
Not tremendously so. This does not come from bravery, this comes from ignorance. I have learned that I live my life shockingly oblivious to the potential criticism and judgments of others. I highly recommend it!
Would you consider writing about me? Or helping me chase down a person that has ghosted me?
Yes! Please reach out. I am very interested in helping people get answers to questions about their own dating life or assisting them in pulling off their own experiments.
What happens to the newsletter if you actually find a boyfriend?
God wouldn’t that be nice. I have committed to doing the newsletter for at least one full year - that means until September of 2025. I have so much I want to say - I could easily go beyond that point, even if I never went on another date for the rest of my life. But yeah, I’ll reevaluate in September and certainly update readers if I do eventually find lasting love.
