Congratulations! A reminder: With all that you've lost with your independence:
-- some of it is about scale (I couldn't go out for a bike ride EVERY day)
-- some of it becomes shared responsibility (e.g. Only some days I have to worry: What am I/we going to eat today?)
-- some of it is menial tasks (my wife doesn't know when it's rubbish day or which rubbish bins to put out)
-- and some of it is crap you don't have to deal with anymore (I.e. the mental gymnastics you play when you're single about confidence, identity, dating, etc.).
You'll always have to adjust that balance based on changing needs, circumstances and interests.
What a great update! Congrats! I definitely feel less bold and independent in my relationship, and I somewhat miss the feeling of defying social norms as you said, but I've found that reminding myself that yeah I can still do anything I actually want to counteracts most of that.
I get it, AND you are still you, AND relationships (with women) tend to be much more beneficial for men, so you are not alone.
I've been married for 5 years, with the same guy for 8, so speaking from that perspective - he's had the bigger confidence boost, and I've had the bigger identity crisis.
That is a very sweet update, and I hope you find ways to relax into and enjoy all that this new chapter brings. I wonder to what extent your different experiences are gendered? Curious. All the best to you!
Look up the concept of celestial marriage. It is connected to Christian lore, but exists in conjunction with multiple systems of sacred symbology, the kabbalah and path of the sephiroth included. It constructs a relationship almost like two halves of a tree: the connection and learning each partner does within the community are directly proportional to the connection and learning with your partner. Each half of the tree isn't enmeshing or leaning against one another, they are just standing against each other and growing upward, and each of you experience growth and expansion outward into your community, it is a standard for deepening connections proportionate to growth and structured as the material presence of offering, the biological phenomenon if the 'mother tree' best describes it
Congratulations! A reminder: With all that you've lost with your independence:
-- some of it is about scale (I couldn't go out for a bike ride EVERY day)
-- some of it becomes shared responsibility (e.g. Only some days I have to worry: What am I/we going to eat today?)
-- some of it is menial tasks (my wife doesn't know when it's rubbish day or which rubbish bins to put out)
-- and some of it is crap you don't have to deal with anymore (I.e. the mental gymnastics you play when you're single about confidence, identity, dating, etc.).
You'll always have to adjust that balance based on changing needs, circumstances and interests.
You will always be you; now you're You-and.
What a great update! Congrats! I definitely feel less bold and independent in my relationship, and I somewhat miss the feeling of defying social norms as you said, but I've found that reminding myself that yeah I can still do anything I actually want to counteracts most of that.
I get it, AND you are still you, AND relationships (with women) tend to be much more beneficial for men, so you are not alone.
I've been married for 5 years, with the same guy for 8, so speaking from that perspective - he's had the bigger confidence boost, and I've had the bigger identity crisis.
That is a hard step to take, to trust someone with so much of you and potentially lose in the end.
It is complex math I have done in my head more than once.
I loved this 💕
Love this update!
This is so cute!! Happy for you, Rachel
An especially insightful piece. Keep writing: you offer truthful, well-considered points whatever your topic
That is a very sweet update, and I hope you find ways to relax into and enjoy all that this new chapter brings. I wonder to what extent your different experiences are gendered? Curious. All the best to you!
still single personally, but love and relate to this
this is so, so good.
Congratulations!! I may also soon write a similar piece 😂 so happy for you
👀👀 this is exciting!!
Look up the concept of celestial marriage. It is connected to Christian lore, but exists in conjunction with multiple systems of sacred symbology, the kabbalah and path of the sephiroth included. It constructs a relationship almost like two halves of a tree: the connection and learning each partner does within the community are directly proportional to the connection and learning with your partner. Each half of the tree isn't enmeshing or leaning against one another, they are just standing against each other and growing upward, and each of you experience growth and expansion outward into your community, it is a standard for deepening connections proportionate to growth and structured as the material presence of offering, the biological phenomenon if the 'mother tree' best describes it
Congrats!