I have also been thinking a lot recently about the role of "plot" in erotic or romantic encounters. Like, I have met many a man on a dating / hookup app, but the other month I met eyes with this guy on the metro and we smiled at each other and I experienced more in that brief interaction biochemically than I have *ever* from a dating app scenario and I thought...huh. It's the plot. It's the intrigue of a forthcoming story.
Not really! A smile, a gesture towards potentially saying hello but there being too many people between us. It just felt like the beginning of a story, even though it didn’t go anywhere. And there was a pleasure in that feeling that I don’t feel so often now that our origin stories for dating are so often negotiated through screens.
As a 60yo who has been married for 35 years, this is so utterly charming!
Why am I following you? Fair question! My bff is starting to date after a divorce (I am no help but have opinions!), and our three sons are all in the dating zone. I appreciate reading your insights as a way to understand their experiences and because your writing is terrific (also didn’t know you worked on Hard Fork). Thanks for sharing your stories!
Thank you Ellen, this is so kind! What is the secret to finding someone you can sustain a 35 year relationship with? And also do any of your three sons want to date me???? (Kidding! Sort of.) Sincerely, thanks for reading!
Oh I'd see it weekly, if not more frequently. The only things more common are a picture at Machu Picchu or "the best way to ask me out...is by asking".
2. You’re the editor of Hard Fork?! How did I not know that, I love Hard Fork and somehow hearing the name of the editor never clicked in my with reading this substack
I was wondering about this too! Like... is there a convincing way to refine your personal narrative over dating app - the same way high school seniors are taught to package themselves for college applications?
I think most probably! The issue is that people tend to hate pigeonholing themselves because they see way more complexity and may not have the best birds eye view of their role in the world. It’s like forcing people to do a branding exercise… it really would be easier / better done by a professional the way brand makeovers are handled by creative agencies.
I used one app, I forget the name, but it took my dry boring responses and rewrote them with more of a marketing tilt in the third person. So I definitely think it could be very good at this if a person answered a personality questionnaire and fed it basic details. I think ultimately there should just be an algorithm that pairs us up though.
WHAT HAPPENED WITH HIM?????
Come back for the next edition!
at the edge of my literal seat
I have also been thinking a lot recently about the role of "plot" in erotic or romantic encounters. Like, I have met many a man on a dating / hookup app, but the other month I met eyes with this guy on the metro and we smiled at each other and I experienced more in that brief interaction biochemically than I have *ever* from a dating app scenario and I thought...huh. It's the plot. It's the intrigue of a forthcoming story.
Woah interesting - was there anything more than holding eye contact?
Not really! A smile, a gesture towards potentially saying hello but there being too many people between us. It just felt like the beginning of a story, even though it didn’t go anywhere. And there was a pleasure in that feeling that I don’t feel so often now that our origin stories for dating are so often negotiated through screens.
THIS IS SO JUICY.
The date a fan contest!
Although I hope things work out!
As a 60yo who has been married for 35 years, this is so utterly charming!
Why am I following you? Fair question! My bff is starting to date after a divorce (I am no help but have opinions!), and our three sons are all in the dating zone. I appreciate reading your insights as a way to understand their experiences and because your writing is terrific (also didn’t know you worked on Hard Fork). Thanks for sharing your stories!
Thank you Ellen, this is so kind! What is the secret to finding someone you can sustain a 35 year relationship with? And also do any of your three sons want to date me???? (Kidding! Sort of.) Sincerely, thanks for reading!
would be kind of ironic if you ended up with him and that ended your dating newsletter
Really good for the Hollywood movie tho
romance is alive and your writing is impeccable
Right back at you!
so cute!
this CLIFFHANGER. omg refreshing my inbox like a rabid dog for the next one
"Do guys also brag about being able to fold fitted sheets?" had me cackling - well, do they?!
hahaha wait how common is this really? I would say this is not jumping out to me as a thing I can recall seeing on dozens of men's profiles - no.
Oh I'd see it weekly, if not more frequently. The only things more common are a picture at Machu Picchu or "the best way to ask me out...is by asking".
Ok revising my entire thesis against Hinge’s new AI features - the ppl need prompt feedback!!!
1. OMG that email
2. You’re the editor of Hard Fork?! How did I not know that, I love Hard Fork and somehow hearing the name of the editor never clicked in my with reading this substack
*in my head
Omg equally excited to learn there's someone who listens to Hard Fork and my newsletter! Thanks for keeping me employed
I feel like the first part could also be framed as self help for optimizing a dating profile! And what a treat to see the whole mythic email.
I was wondering about this too! Like... is there a convincing way to refine your personal narrative over dating app - the same way high school seniors are taught to package themselves for college applications?
I think most probably! The issue is that people tend to hate pigeonholing themselves because they see way more complexity and may not have the best birds eye view of their role in the world. It’s like forcing people to do a branding exercise… it really would be easier / better done by a professional the way brand makeovers are handled by creative agencies.
That’s a really good point! This is giving me insight into an application for AI in dating apps I had not yet considered…
I used one app, I forget the name, but it took my dry boring responses and rewrote them with more of a marketing tilt in the third person. So I definitely think it could be very good at this if a person answered a personality questionnaire and fed it basic details. I think ultimately there should just be an algorithm that pairs us up though.
hahaha I would totally read your writing about that!