Hello Rachel, I was born in 1982 in Italy, and getting a guy was mostly through party and school...I am not shy once i had a couple beers but i think i would have had a lot more difficulty approaching guys on an app, because it exposes you to a) risk of rejection b) risk of not liking the guy in person..
I am wondering if some "incel" resentment against women comes from the rejection guys probably often get as they approach some girl on an app... I mean, who likes to be rejected??? And with an app I think it's brutal, in-person interaction, you generally have the time to understand if the other person likes you before making your move. Thank you for the story, it was fun to read!
That's really interesting! I feel like most discourse is focussed on how dating apps shield users from in-person rejection, and that shielding is assumed to - for better or worse - protect our fragile egos. But I think you're on to something in that dating apps may actually make rejection in some ways more painful. Not only because the amount of rejection people are fielding is potentially much larger than it would be in-person, but also because the nature of the rejection (indirect, nonverbal) can be more unsettling and inconclusive.
And to your point about the rise of incel resentment against women, I do wonder if in-person rejection was on average less wounding to men than dating app rejection, at least in part because women might be kinder in person. Anecdotally, many women in my life have reported feeling unsafe or uneasy about rejecting strangers who approach them in person for fear of how that person may react - and whether they'll inappropriately lash out. My assumption is that some portion of women are likely to be extra cautious and kind with their word choice in person to minimize the risk of angry reactions from men.
I think it goes in all directions. Some of the things people have said to me online have been so rude and so cruel that I have to imagine that it would be impossible to say them in person, as the average human would be justified in throwing a punch in response to them.
Great idea with the napkins!
Hello Rachel, I was born in 1982 in Italy, and getting a guy was mostly through party and school...I am not shy once i had a couple beers but i think i would have had a lot more difficulty approaching guys on an app, because it exposes you to a) risk of rejection b) risk of not liking the guy in person..
I am wondering if some "incel" resentment against women comes from the rejection guys probably often get as they approach some girl on an app... I mean, who likes to be rejected??? And with an app I think it's brutal, in-person interaction, you generally have the time to understand if the other person likes you before making your move. Thank you for the story, it was fun to read!
Giulia
That's really interesting! I feel like most discourse is focussed on how dating apps shield users from in-person rejection, and that shielding is assumed to - for better or worse - protect our fragile egos. But I think you're on to something in that dating apps may actually make rejection in some ways more painful. Not only because the amount of rejection people are fielding is potentially much larger than it would be in-person, but also because the nature of the rejection (indirect, nonverbal) can be more unsettling and inconclusive.
And to your point about the rise of incel resentment against women, I do wonder if in-person rejection was on average less wounding to men than dating app rejection, at least in part because women might be kinder in person. Anecdotally, many women in my life have reported feeling unsafe or uneasy about rejecting strangers who approach them in person for fear of how that person may react - and whether they'll inappropriately lash out. My assumption is that some portion of women are likely to be extra cautious and kind with their word choice in person to minimize the risk of angry reactions from men.
I think it goes in all directions. Some of the things people have said to me online have been so rude and so cruel that I have to imagine that it would be impossible to say them in person, as the average human would be justified in throwing a punch in response to them.